3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill
      them. 

 4... I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 

 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just
     missing.

10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-
        room-spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under
        it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be
        When I Grew up. 

18 .. Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries
       With That?

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash
        advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was
       already taken. 
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
        DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up
        three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 
 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background
         music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith &
        Wesson.

29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going
        on.